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  • Ednold

Corona? No Thanks! 4/8/20

Updated: Jun 1, 2020




Would I like a Corona?

A year ago, YES!

But that was before

We were all in this mess

Now we’re living confined

To our own home address

But then, things could be worse

I’m still alive, more or less

Things have recently changed

Now we’re stuck in our houses

With all of our pets and our

Children and spouses

We all just stand around

Like some sheep or some cowses

Fearing tiny little bugs

That are smaller than louses

This thing we can’t see

It has caused isolation

And has forced us all into

Spring-time hibernation

For this wee little thing

There is no medication

But this distancing requires

Some real dedication

A big part of the plan

Is to keep our hands clean

That’s not too big a problem

I’ve always been keen

Cleaner hands now, I think

You may never have seen

They belong on the cover

Of “Hands” magazine

We keep washing our hands

I’m a hand-washing fool now

And I don’t touch my face

Because that is the rule now

I know some of you think

That I’m just a big tool now

But the joke is on you

Because hygiene is cool now


Online you can place

All your household need orders

I’m stocking up now

On my lagers and porters

But leave me some TP

You panicking hoarders

What kind of incessant poopers

Do you have for boarders?

They say we’ll be safe

If we just stay alone

Far from friends and our kin

In a six-foot-wide zone

If we want to converse

Well, we each have a phone

On my face I have taken

To wearing a cone

I’m trying to stay healthy

Please excuse my insistence

I need a wide berth

You must maintain your distance

I’m guarding my turf now

With dogged persistence

Your attempts to intrude

Will be met with resistance

I’m minding my six feet

With vigor and verve

Defending this space

That I now must preserve

Why are you encroaching?

You must have some nerve

If you get any closer

I’ll flatten YOUR curve!

Dude! What are you doing?

Stay out of my bubble

You must give me my space

Or there just might be trouble

I don’t want to reduce

Your whole face into rubble

So politely back off now

Quick-time, on the double!

I said give me my six feet

You unthinking swine!

I am giving you yours

And you can’t give me mine?

Get away from me now

Must I draw you a line?

Just take two more steps backward

And then we’ll be fine

How I long for the days

When the traffic was slow

People all in my way

Everywhere I would go

These days they avoid me

Like the plague, don’t you know?

Will those bad days be back?

We can only hope so

My kitty’s not scared

It’s strange with that cat

She’s not worried by a virus

She sleeps where she sat

And the birds at the birdfeeder

Just getting fat

Don’t seem too concerned

Tell me, what’s up with that?

Premier League, where are you?

I miss you, I say

And my 4am meetings with you

On gameday

Now there are no weekly fixtures

No Wembley in May

For just one good derby

What wouldn’t I pay?

Are there any sports on?

Yeah! It’s ESPN8!

Dodgeball? On TV?

Wonderful. Great.

The Masters in autumn?

Now that’s a new date!

An odd-year Olympics?

We’ll just have to wait


So I read my dad’s book

That he’d just completed

It was full of advice

That, of course, I’d not heeded

But my unread-book stack

It has hardly receded

I should crack one book open

Each time that I’m seated

And thank god for Netflix

And those girls all from Derry

And the show’s one sane person

I can so relate, Gerry!

Just how do you put up

With Grandpa Joe and Mary?

And old Uncle Colm

Is he weird? I’d say “very”

We’re zooming, we’re skyping,

We’re facetiming too

Imagine 10 years ago

What would we do?

I chat with my siblings

Now that’s something new

And my kids and my parents

I could chat with you!

I’ve seen more of my niece

And my nephews of late

Than I’ve seen them in years

Now they don’t have to wait

To see cool Uncle Ednold

It’s now a weekly date

Their desire to see me

I’m sure I can’t sate

I even did Zumba

The class was online

No one saw me dancing

So it was just fine

I still ache from that dancing

Which is not a good sign

The next class I take

Will involve beer or wine


Mrs. Ednold is lucky

And I’m glad you’re home, honey

And you still have a job

We’re not yet out of money

Do you think you’ll still be here

When the weather’s real sunny?

Some strange things this April:

No egg hunt, no bunny

But millions are out of work

What will they do?

The have-nots list is growing

The haves are but few

Lots of people need help

There’s no end to that queue

I hope soon we can say

“Things are better, woohoo!”

What’s it like for the people

Who are still employed

At a job where they spend all day

Trying to avoid

All that sickness while having

Their bubble destroyed

By us people who need them?

I’d be quite annoyed

Something else bugs me

Some people are “essential”

As if some people aren’t

We should be penitential

I think everyone is

Or at least has potential

To be worthy of having

That self-same credential

And the sick call takes longer

Each day that I hear it

Will I one day be added?

I hope not, but I fear it

Keep that virus away

I don’t want to be near it

And when it’s finally died off

I will certainly cheer it


Talking heads on TV

With their endless dumb prattle

I could get better info

From goats or some cattle

They must tell us who’s winning

The global death battle

Who’s got more cases now?

New Orleans or Seattle?

Are we all really needing

Non-stop information

On the latest update

To some new regulation?

Common sense is the best thing

In plan formulation

To save those at risk

In our whole population

It bothers me, the blaming

“We should have been more prepared

If we just had more of this

Or of that, we’d be spared”

But all of the onus

Should really be shared

We knew it was coming

But back then, who cared?

Hey! We’ve just moved ahead

Of that one boot-shaped nation

USA’s #1

In this virus invasion!

We can’t really enjoy it

We can’t take a vacation

This win doesn’t come with

That winning sensation

But there’s an upside to being

Stuck here in this box

I’m now not wearing pants

Though I put on some socks

You don’t have to dress up

To avoid this new pox

And spending the day

In my undies, it rocks!


One more good thing, I guess:

We’re all using less gas

Now I only use some

When I’m mowing the grass

And I walk everywhere

I don’t need a bus pass

Since there’s nowhere to go

I just sit on my ass

We can look on the bright side

Some things are still good

And some things stand much better

Than they’ve ever stood

Our pollution is down

And I think that we could

Make the good things a trend

Yes, I think that we should

We should keep looking out

For the ones who could use it

And when people are kind

Let’s try not to abuse it

If there’s something to say

Try not to fake-news it

Let’s keep thinking of others

Let’s try not to lose it

There’s sickness all over

In each hemisphere

So many have already lost

Someone dear

I may say silly things

But I want to be clear

I hope no one I know loses

Someone who’s near

To end this, my friends

Please let me just take

One moment in all

Of this rhyming and make

Just one final point

While you’re all still awake

Please take care of yourselves

Just for old Ednold’s sake

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4 Comments


ednold19
Apr 08, 2020

Thank you so much. Please feel free to share with anyone you'd like.

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Marcella L. Gentry
Marcella L. Gentry
Apr 08, 2020

Mark, this is just incredible! Enjoyed it so much. I would like to email this to my 3 youngest adults and the grandkids. They have been keeping after us to wash properly, wear masks and stay home and stay safe!!!

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gilromastew
gilromastew
Apr 08, 2020

Wow! That is a piece of work.........with something for everyone. You've put your imposed confinement to good use.......and set the bar pretty high for what follows. Good job.

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Terry Stewart
Terry Stewart
Apr 08, 2020

Wow, I'm impressed, I thought Amy was our family's poet. Very good.

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